My View Of The Past - LMB

My View Of The Past

People constantly tell me to forget my past..... My spirit begs to differ. 

Its like traveling down a road as it disappears behind you...once you stop and turn around? You have no indication of just how far you have come in this journey, just as you look ahead into absolute darkness with only dreams and hopes of a future. 

No, i beg to differ..my memories....the good ones...and the bad ones...are what i am made up of... They in truth are the only thing that i can ever call "mine". For i lived them, i experienced them...from my unique perspective.

 I cherish everybody that has ever made me smile and laugh, have shown me random acts of kindness and love. At the very same time? I curse the day i met and loathe every treacherous deceitful person that i have ever run across...we all are the sum of all of our experiences. 

How do you go thru your life and surgically remove the bad stuff while leaving the good stuff right beside it perfectly intact? I don't know how to do that. Why would i want to...when its that comparison that makes me appreciate the wonderful times? 

Rotten people have taught me what not to be. Great loving people have taught me who i want to be. Simple.

Who i grew up with and had as friends on Staten Island? Literally set the blueprint by which any friend i ever had was compared to. 

What i would give...to play in Mahoney Park again with all of you. 

 From playing marbles and balunkas', to AFX race cars, to putting crayon on the bottom of a cardboard sheet that we used to go down that sliding pond behind our projects.

From sticking baseball cards in the spokes of our bikes just hear that whizzing flipping sound as we rode them...to putting baby powder in socks and slugging it out swinging them at each other giving each other a "white eye" being hit with that.

From playing tackle on the concrete in Mahoney park with no protective gear at all...to feeling like i travelled to a paradise walking to Thompskinville pool. 

To the battles and fights that happened at 3:00pm in the school yards of PS31... Where we settled our differences with fists....one on one.

From drinking a Yoo-Hoo and a Blue Sky soda, to seeing the girls jump rope at incredible blinding speed and coordination.

From seeing the prettiest girl in the world, but i was too afraid to even say hello to her.

From the incredible sandwiches from Fatmans... to coming out of the paramount theater fighting like hell...after we all saw a Kung fu flick...lol.

 Mannnnn what i would give...to sit and laugh and talk to Dennis Hite again...talk to MO again.....talk to Corky again... Just to sit down and hear Sleepy crack another joke. 

Ever notice how you could leave the house..play all day and it seemed like you never had to use the bathroom? Lol. 

Those were the days! 

Rushing home to catch Spiderman and Batman on tv? The Wild Wild West? Man ol man...

I miss all of you dearly.....

Lesley M. Blair

"Boaz Is On His Way" - By Lesley M. Blair

"Boaz Is On His Way"

By Lesley M. Blair

For the women in waiting,

Patiently anticipating.

Their King its no mistaking

Is going thru an awakening.

Boaz is in route

Im telling you the truth.

Disconnected from his roots

His identity is in pursuit.

You see he's so busy

Being vilified.

So busy being criticized.

Falsely accused and identified

Surviving infanticide and genocide.

But Boaz is on his way.

Its no wonder Boaz cant be seen

 By those who seek his being.

Being hunted constantly fleeing

Fighting to give his life meaning.

Boaz is Hiding in plain sight

Struggling telling wrong from right.

You see, Boaz has been lied to

Hated no matter how hard he tried to.

For his mistakes are not forgiven

Pathway made hard to earn a living.

When he speaks no one listens.

When he gets upset he goes to prison.

Boaz does some stupid things

Just to relieve himself.

His role models murdered

Hard to believe in himself.

But don't worry

Boaz is on his way.

Boaz can be seen

Trying to escape the prison of his own mind.

Mistreated by his own kind.

His throne stolen and its hard to find.

Boaz sometimes even hates 

His own kind.

Suffering from a delusional state of mind.

Its hard telling friend from foe

Discerning Queen from hoe.

Boaz has been told

You ain't shit just like your dad.

He's heard this his whole life

Coming from his moms thats really bad.

Your can turn an egg into

An omelet but not an omelet

Back into an egg.

Imagine Boaz on the streets

Trying to survive

Sometimes he begs.

Boaz..is on his way.

Boaz sometimes is rich on the outside

But not whole on the inside.

His identity in jeopardy

Sold out..but respectfully.

Boaz was seen left for dead

By the ones he cherished.

The enemy came along

With words that nourished?

What was Boaz's state of mind

For him to even listen?

Considering what he's been thru

Perhaps a lapse in wisdom.

Boaz has been seen

Detached from his own.

Misunderstood by his own

Perhaps forgot his way home.

But Boaz...is on his way.

Boaz i hear

Responds to love and understanding.

Abused by constant reprimanding.

Boaz I hear truly 

wants to come home.

He misses the one place

That was rightfully his throne.

Boaz is tired of being blamed

For the foulness of others.

Boaz tries to explain

But his truth is only smothered.

Boaz his been hurt 

Just like you too.

Being you're not a man

You have no idea what he's really been through.

Just as Boaz will never know

What its like to be you.

Don't believe the hype

Parenting is job that was made for two.

Don't worry Boaz is on his way.

Boaz needs to be reminded

Of his throne.

Boaz needs to be reminded

He's not alone.

Boaz needs rest

For his mind, body and soul.

Boaz needs love, not just sex

For him to become whole.

Boaz needs patience

And yes a shoulder to cry on.

Someone by his side

That he wouldn't think twice to die for.

As Boaz respects himself

He also needs to be respected.

He also understands how you feel.

Apologizes for leaving you neglected.

Boaz has been under attack

And everything he loves has been to.

The only thing Boaz has ever wanted

Was to be everything to you.

Don't worry ..Boaz is on his way. 

"Love and Time" - By Lesley M. Blair

"Love and Time"

~ Lesley M. Blair

There are times when

I'm alone in the dark.

Asking myself

Has my heart missed its mark.

For i have genuinely tried

Almost died when denied.

Betrayed and defied

By those in whom I'd once confide.

Hearts revealed

So cold that I'd shiver

Scars I've earned

From crying a river.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Everybody wants to be loved

Is just one school of thought.

Until you actually love

You learn things that you were never taught.

A school that has taught

To lie is the standard.

Just stab them in the hearts

Let them worry about the bandage.

A school that teaches you

To slap every cheek.

No matter how many they turn

Forgiveness pushed beyond its peak.

A school that teaches you

To use the past as a shield.

What a treacherous tongue

These students do wield.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Now the school that 

you came from from.

Apparently is not the 

Same one.

For you truth is truth

And a lie is a lie.

You look accountability

Straight in the eye.

You were taught to treat everybody

The way you want to be treated.

Understanding the power of love

Can never be defeated.

So you love as hard as you can

Wishing the very best for them.

Not discouraged by faults you see

But blinded by the love of just what can be.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Love gets you into things

That only time can get you out of.

Exactly What is "Love"?

"Love" the ever so evasive, the mysteriously "unobtainable" for many. Love often is like water, the harder you reach for it and squeeze, the more it seems to go right through your fingers. Yet there are the select few that actual find it mutually in one another and for certain they not only believe in each other's love, but they actually live their lives accordingly with respect for that precious love that they found in each other.

I once saw an elderly woman at a convenience store, and at the time I was standing there with my then present second wife, but my now ex-wife and she noticed the glow that we seemed to give off as a newly wedded couple. She looked at us and completely saw the happiness (however temporary it proved to be or even false at this point) in us and asked us " Awww you guys just got married, you look like newly weds?" I said "Yes, Ma'am." She smiled and paused for thought.. I took it upon myself to ask her if she was married. The elderly woman said just as calmly, "Yes I am, in fact we've been married now about 45 years."

I was completely stunned by her answer and immediately turned to my then wife and said to her "Like wow...you see that? Love works and it is possible yes?" She agreed smiled and nodded a gesture of yes. I was very interested in asking her next..and said " Ma'am, if you don't mind me asking..how in the world have you guys been able to do that?" She smiled and replied and answered with the most profound wisdom I had ever heard on this subject..she said the following..i will never forget it..." Oh, well I don't know..it's easy I guess. It's just real simple, he's very nice to me and I'm very nice to him.". The shear simplicity of her wisdom in that reply floored me.

Well apparently that answer she gave didn't satisfy my then wife who was standing right there and she had to add a question of her own to this incredibly wise elderly woman. Forever seeking an argument and a debate she asks the woman.."So, what if you as a wife have a list of concerns things you want your husband to do and he perhaps may not agree with them or care to listen to me about them, even though I may ask several times. What do you do?" The elderly woman nodded her head as if to say.."How did I know that she was going to ask me that.." Poised like an adult trying to warn a child about playing with matches for the 50th time..the woman of senior status leaned forward and politely said to her..."Sweetheart, you have to "know" your husband. There are things that I may ask my husband about doing, and he gives me his feeling or position about it and once I already asked him and he gave me an answer, I already know asking him that same thing again over and over again, isn't going to change how he feels about it for he already told me. I just know not to ask him about that issue anymore, I respect his answer and if it's something that I feel I need to get done , I with respect to my husband may find another way to get it done that doesn't involve him. I cannot "make" my husband do anything, no more than he can "make" me do anything. we just respect each other."

I turned to my then wife and she had this look on her face to that would seem to say "Sorry miss you're lottery ticket claim for a million dollars just expired 10 minutes ago." I leaned forward and smiled..and said "Ma'am, God bless you both that is awesome that is incredible, and I wish you all th every best. Thank you for your time and words of wisdom, thank you."

Upon exiting the store I said to my wife at the time " See? How complicated is that? It's really very simple..45 years???? Wow!!!" The wife seemed to be unavailable for comment and conversation after this point and it was a long silent drive back home.

That to me was a perfect example of "love" in practice..not just in theory.

Introduction

Greetings my fellow romantics!

Please forgive me for this is my very first attempt at this thing called "blogging", not exactly sure that I'll get it right or terribly wrong but nothing beats a failure..but a try as they say, so here it goes:

In starting this blog, let me first say that I'm an average Internet/computer user. Starting this blog came about more so from the curiosity that arose in me from people always saying to me.."man, you really ought to start a blog", I would always reply with "a what?". I was told on a few occasions that blogs were like a new form of communication, along with other things like the emergence of twitter, facebook, etc. When I thought of it, I  wasn't sure that I could even ever remember reading anyone's "blog". When I asked further about what is it that this "blogging thingy" consisted of, I was informed "well it's a way for you to share your thoughts with others, about the things that interest you, etc." I would reply "Ohhhh ok.."

Not exactly knowing where to start on how, I stumbled across this page here, I thought again.."oh ok i can actually start a "blog" here. So at this point I thought, gave it a moment and asked myself an honest "Wow..ok what is it that is personal to you, that you wouldn't mind sharing with the world of yourself, something that matters? Then the second scariest thought was, would it ever be anything that anyone else is ever interested in? : ) So , I took a deep breath and rolled up my sleeves and said well, there is only one way to find out..start blogging.

So I thought about this title: " Love Hurts And Other Oxymoron's". It was just what came to mind, for I am forever in awe..at what I see and experience in relationships. I have way too many questions about this subject and who knows in sharing thoughts, views and opinions, advice, even being open to all of the above myself it would be a nice thought if this blog became just that, a virtual projection of myself for the times I have these questions. Even for the times when I feel I have arrived upon some answers.

In this blog, I cannot promise it will be the most exciting thing that anyone has ever read, I can just promise honesty, I'll do my best at courtesy and respect, ask for the same as I go along, just as a reader keep in mind that whatever I post here may not be something that you can relate to or even understand for that is the nature of why I started the blog in the first place, an attempt for all of us to look deeper within ourselves about who and what we really are, and what is that supposed to mean regarding our relationships with the ones that we claim to love.

So I'm not a professional writer or anything,again please bear with me along this journey of thoughts, words and conveyance as I try to "communicate" with those interested in this blog. So again, welcome aboard, stay tuned relax and unwind as I do what I can to help invoke thoughts, incite emotions, and hopefully teach and learn.

Thank you for your time and patience,

L.M.B